Because life isn't made up of a single moment
by Sunshine170
Summary: Spoilers for season 3 finale. Shawn's thoughts after Juliet left.
1. Chapter 1

_She'll be fine.._

Shawn was sure she would be as he watched Juliet walk outside the drive-in doors. He wasn't worried about her feeling hurt or sad or any of those things. Not over him anyway.

It was the adrenalin of it all. That's why she had taken a chance and asked him out tonight.

_Hey life is short and we could all be screwed over by a serial killer anytime. Let me take up scuba diving and ask Shawn out._

Come tomorrow and they would go back to their convenient and frustrating as hell game of denial. He had no doubts about it. It wasn't like he doubted the genuineness of Juliet asking him out. But he knew her well enough to know, that she never dwelled too long on things like that. At least not on the outside. She wasn't the kind of woman who made men the focus of her life.

So she asked him out… It was a big deal considering he'd tried the better part of three years to get her to see him that way. At that moment he'd wanted to say yes so badly. But there was Abigail.

Abigail, who was waiting back there, wondering why he was taking so long with the pop corn. The one, who gave him a chance, despite the fact that he had stood her up once already. How could he possibly ditch her and go with Juliet? It wasn't fair to either of them and no matter how hard it was to turn her down, he was glad he had done so.

But then she had to go and kiss him. Juliet with the blue eyes and the blond hair and the really really sucky timing just had to lean forward and kiss him on the cheek in a way that made being the good guy an extremely difficult decision to stick with. The jolt of electricity that ran up his spine was enough to fry his brains out. Quite frankly, even his 27 seconds lip action with Abigail at the reunion had nothing on that chaste little peck on his cheek.

It was wrong that she should affect him like that. Like he'd been punched in the stomach and stopped breathing for a few seconds as Abigail so eloquently pointed out. Juliet simply had no right, doing that to him. He'd been fine, happy to be with Abigail and she'd just messed it all up with her big moments speech and dangling her pretty little carrot stick in front of him. Where were all the excuses of working together and mistakes now? She could change her mind so suddenly and he had to fall in line just like that huh?

Determined to enjoy his date out of sheer vengeance, Shawn pushed Juliet and anything to do with her firmly out of his mind and concentrated instead on Abigail. Gus being there helped more than he cared to admit. This way, it managed to be casual and rather unromantic but fun nonetheless. Something that he needed right now, given the day he'd been through.

But he should have known that it was easier said than done. There was a reason why he was hung up over Juliet since ever. She was different and special and more important to him than anyone else and she had a way of clouding his thoughts that made it very difficult not to think about her. Difficult to be angry at her and her sucky timing. After all, she'd been the one to lay her heart on the line. Honest and sincere, so unlike his hinting and flirting and trickery. He was the coward for never asking her out properly, for not showing her he was more serious about her than any middle aged SWAT commander could ever be. If he'd only had the courage and told her that, they would have been picking out china patterns by now.

Instead here he was, turning down the girl of his dreams and settling for lukewarm companionship with another girl who never really made him feel the way Juliet could. Even back in high school, when he was crazy about her, she didn't make his insides melt into mush with just a look. She didn't make him have nightmares about her being in danger. She didn't make him feel seething jealousy over older men.

He glanced towards the passenger seat at Abigail, absorbed in the movie. She offered him a smile and he smiled back. Even though, he was going through hell, Shawn knew under normal circumstances, he would have enjoyed this date very much. It was easy being with her. Simple and uncomplicated. He would have almost definitely asked her out a second time. Shawn knew him and Abigail would be good together. But he didn't want good, he wanted great. He wanted the kind of love that people in movies had, the kind of love that he knew he could have.

Shawn didn't want good or easy. He wanted Juliet.


	2. Chapter 2

He saw her sitting at her desk, chewing absentmindedly on a yellow pencil while going through a case file. Her eyes assuming that sharp blue edge they always did when she was working a case. There was nothing different or strange about her. She turned to the side, and saw him. Giving him a soft, smile and an acknowledging nod she went back to her file.

Suddenly, Shawn was getting the distinct impression, that he had completely imagined yesterday's events. How could she possibly be this unaffected? But Shawn already knew the answer, because that's who Juliet was. Always collected and composed unlike him, all over the place. Cringing at the reference, Shawn couldn't help thinking that she was like the ying to his yang, in a completely non-psychotic way of course.

He walked up to her without the slightest clue as to what he was going to say or do.

"Hey Jules…"

"Shawn hey.." Juliet said looking up at him with curiosity "Do we have a case for you that I don't know about?"

"Nope, you might not know this…. but cases aren't the only reason I come down here." He said taking a seat on her desk.

"Sure. I hear they've installed a new cappuccino machine on the second floor." Juliet said rolling her eyes. "Or maybe you're just here to admire our fine heritage building."

"All valid reasons. But I am here to see you if you must know." Shawn said drawing patterns with his finger instead of looking at her.

"Is that right?" Juliet said revealing no visible emotion at the statement. "What can I do for you then?" She gave him a smile.

"For starters, you can help me glue Lassiter's coffee mug to his desk." He said playfully and Juliet couldn't help giggling. He then looked at her, his eyes warm and serious.

"And secondly, you can go to dinner with me tonight, in a nice cozy restaurant with ambience lighting and piano and small servings of overpriced food."

Juliet looked stunned for a second. He saw her avoid his glance and gulp twice before looking at him. Shaking her head definitively, she finally replied.

"I am sorry, I can't." She offered no further explanation, and simply went back to her file, letting him stare at her in disbelief.

"Why?" Shawn demanded, trying to not let the brutal rejection get to him. "Is it because of Abigail and what happened yesterday, because Jules..."

"Shawn, this has nothing to do with Abigail or anybody." She interjected. "I can't go dinner with you because I am not free tonight. I am leaving for Aspen with some friends of mine and I am going to be gone all week."

"You're taking a vacation?" He asked.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I've been meaning to take a break for so long and yesterday with that psycho was just the last straw. I just need to get away for some time." Her voice lingered, she looked away. "You know from things…."

"You're avoiding me aren't you?" Shawn said accusingly.

"Don't be ridiculous." Juliet said defensively. "This had been planned for weeks. And why on earth would I need to avoid you?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe because, there are some things about you and me that we just ignore anymore." Shawn said hotly, but remembering to keep his voice down.

"No we can't." Juliet agreed, then looked at him almost apologetically. "But I can't stop living my life, because of that can I? What we really have is a whole lot of what ifs and moments passed by."

Her eyes, assumed a dull sadness, as she continued.

"Shawn we've missed our chance and it's time we faced that. We had something, but it's not enough. It's never been enough or we wouldn't be at this constant impasse. Let's just accept it and move on, and stop agonizing ourselves over this. For all you know, we could have been terrible together."

"But we'll never know that because you won't give me the chance." Shawn said solemnly. He looked at her, with an incredulous expression. "You're just going to give up on us and go away to Aspen like nothing ever happened."

"I know you hate me for this.." Juliet began to say, but Shawn interrupted her.

"I don't hate you. I just don't understand you Jules." He looked at her, his face pleading. "Why is it so hard to say yes to me just once? Just taking a chance and not keep over thinking any of this."

"Shawn.."

"Do you have any idea how difficult it was to watch you walk away like that yesterday? To have to turn you down when you were offering me what I've been dreaming of for three years. To be with this perfectly, great girl I was so crazy about and feel absolutely nothing for her, because all I can think of is you and the fact that she's just not you. If that's not enough, I don't know what is?"

He got up, and turned towards her, looking at her with a strange melancholy and a quiet determination before he walked away.

"Have fun in Aspen Jules. But just know however far you might try and run away. I am coming for you."


	3. Chapter 3

She left for Aspen.

Of course she did. Airport introspection only happened in movies. No one was crazy enough to give up a paid vacation on wild impulses in real life to rush back to a love interest. As much as it pained Shawn to admit, Juliet did have a point. Complications between them hardly meant that she should stop living her life. A life, she had outside the station. A life he knew little about.

There were so many things he didn't know about her. What college she attended? What hobbies did she have? Who were these friends she was taking expensive skiing trips with? For all his obsession with her, he'd never thought of asking her any of this.

This was one of the many things worrying Shawn. He'd been restless the whole time she was gone. He was scared about what would happen between them when Juliet would come back. He was extremely concerned that she would embark on some wild holiday romance and forget all about him. Most of all, he missed her terribly. He missed her smile and her voice and just the fact that she wasn't here.....

"Shawn... Shawn, I did not ask you to come so that you can stare into empty space while I do all the work. Snap out of it kid."

His father's sharp voice brought him back to reality. Reality which right now consisted of cleaning out his dad's attic. Sighing in resignation, he picked up an old box and began to sort through it for anything that needed throwing away.

Henry watched Shawn as he worked without the least of interest but complete efficiency. He was worried about his son. It had been five days since the crazy lady had wreaked havoc in his life and Shawn's uncharacteristic silence and woebegone expression was not making him feel any less anxious.

"Care to share what's on your mind?" He finally asked, unable to contain his fears.

"Really, really not." Shawn shook his head vehemently, not looking at Henry.

"If it is about that psycho, Shawn...." He urged him, his voice softer than usual.

"Dad, this has nothing to do with psychos or serial killers or anything so just give it a rest and put your feminine side out of misery. Sensitivity doesn't suit you one bit." Shawn quipped, irritated for no particular reason. How could one possibly daydream about the girl of one's dreams if cranky old men kept interjecting.

Henry simply shrugged at him and said. "Suit yourself. Just know you're better off talking to me than anybody else."

"And why exactly is that?" Shawn demanded to know.

"Because you know I won't bullshit you about whatever is very seriously bothering you." Henry said looking at him thoughtfully.

"I guess not." Shawn murmured to himself and then stared at the wall with an odd lost look. He didn't speak for several seconds.

"You think that if you miss out on this perfect moment with someone and it passes you and suddenly everything changes and it feels like you have no control over the way things work out, you can ever really go back and fix it?" Shawn sighed, his head bent. His voice was devoid of any hope and that's when Henry knew that this had to be about a girl.

"Absolutely not." He said bluntly, knowing exactly what Shawn was going through.

"Gee, thanks Dad." Shawn rolled his eyes in sarcasm. "Guess, that's the end of our little heart."

"Will you let me finish?" Henry said, in an admonishing tone. "What I mean is you can't recreate a lost moment no matter how hard you try. But you can have a whole new perfect moment if you choose to, for all you know a much better one."

He looked at his son meaningfully "You always have control over the way things work out Shawn. You only have to try hard enough."

"But what if..." Shawn paused feeling an odd sense of déjà vu. "What if it isn't enough?" He said looking so hopeless, Henry was reminded of the night he'd told him that his mother was leaving.

"Then you let it go, knowing you did your best." Henry said patting him on the shoulder. " But if you don't try and give it everything you got, and pin all your life's misery on that one moment that went by, you'll only have yourself to blame."

Shawn nodded absently and then gave a sad little laugh, almost having forgotten his father's presence. "Wish she could hear this, she's the one who needs to be convinced."

"And who would this she just be?" Henry asked unable to curb his curiosity. After all for Shawn to be so hung up over a girl, meant she must be one spectacular human being. Something told him, that the root of his son's love struck symptoms had mostly to do with a very lovely young, junior detective.

"No one you know." Shawn said, clearing his throat when he realized he'd spoken aloud. He immediately brusquely went back to the job at hand with a display of intent.

Henry smiled quietly knowing that Shawn would not appreciate being chuckled at.

Only his son......Henry thought...Of all the things that could be worrying a man who was just baited by a deranged woman like say a nervous breakdown, he was thinking about a girl. He knew he could finally stop worrying. In fact, he could be happy. There was someone who had finally managed to put Shawn in line.

"Shawn..."

"Yeah dad..."

" Try harder."


	4. Chapter 4

Juliet stared aimlessly at the ocean view through the cab window, taking in the salty sea breeze that she had missed in the mountains. She had enjoyed her trip thoroughly but all said and done, it was good to be home. Home to the warmth and the sun and…more importantly ….Shawn.

She couldn't help smiling. In spite of everything that had happened and the way they had left all that unfinished business hanging in the air, and his very romantic declaration, she had missed him. Sure it was fun to get away from gruesome murders and robberies and Lassiter to snowy peaks and skiing and old friends. But, Shawn's absence had hit her harder than she imagined.

And even if she didn't like to admit it out loud. She'd done a lot of thinking about their situation and what it would mean for them when she got back. Even a week of deliberation hadn't made any difference, because she was just as confused as she'd been earlier.

So when the cab pulled up in front of her apartment and she found a certain fake psychic perched on her porch steps, she realized truly just how much she had missed him because, instead of wondering what on earth he was doing there, she was elated just to see him.

Shawn saw her and gave her a nervous smile, but one that made her go weak in the knees nonetheless. He waved his hand, standing up to greet her as she got out.

"What are you doing here Shawn?" She asked, not sure how to avoid asking that.

"Oh you know… because..." He shrugged, unfazed by his vague reply. "Let me get your bags." He said moving to take the bags that the cab driver had pulled out for Juliet. Picking them up, he walked towards the front door, leaving Juliet to pay the driver.

"That's a lot of bags for a week you know." Shawn said, dropping them to the floor as soon as Juliet got the door unlocked, not giving her a chance to interrogate him like she'd intended to. "So how was your trip? Bet you had a lot of fun."

"Yes it was…." Juliet replied smiling, not even remotely sure anymore what he was doing.

"That's good because what's the point of going on vacation if you don't have fun right." Shawn said, acutely aware of just how lame that sounded. "So what was the weather like in Aspen?" He said making another pathetic attempt at small talk.

"Cold and nice, I guess..." Juliet gave him another clueless smile. "Did you come down here to talk about the weather?" She asked finally scrunching her nose in curiosity.

"It's a pretty important issue you'll have to agree. Global warming and ice caps melting and sea levels rising and stuff…" Shawn rambled on. "Don't even get me started on the ozone layer depletion."

"I'll try not to." Juliet rolled her eyes. "So…"

"Yeah, so…." Shawn repeated. "You're probably wondering what I am doing here." He said looking at his feet.

"A little bit…. yes." Juliet nodded.

"For starters, I am not really here to discuss global warming." He said sitting on the couch.

"No kidding" Juliet said in a fake surprised voice. "I was looking forward to measuring our carbon footprints together." Managing to get a smile out of Shawn despite the weird tension that had descended, she tentatively took a seat beside him.

He looked at her, his eyes warm and serious like the day when she'd been leaving and she involuntarily gulped.

"Jules, you know the thing about moments, About how you said we missed ours."

"Yeah.."

"I am not giving up just because of that." Shawn shook his head vehemently, knowing exactly what to say now. "Because we can't lose out on us just coz' we lost out on our moment. All we need to do is find another one." He took Juliet's hand and looked at her.

"I know you think what we have isn't enough and we should move on and hypothetically we may not even be good together, and it makes sense. But it doesn't make sense to me that we spend the rest of our lives thinking only of what got out of our hands when we could have taken a chance and found out, for better or worse."

"For better or worse?" Juliet repeated softly, lost momentarily in earnest hazel eyes that were looking right through her. Shaking her head, she tried to collect herself.

"We can't just…Shawn we have to think about this…"

"That's not what we need to do at all, Jules." Shawn said cupping her face, as he pulled her closer. "We need to just let it happen." Before she could protest, he placed his lips on hers, silencing her for the next two minutes, when everything blanked out from her head except for the incredible sensation of his lips and his fingers threading through her hair. Sighing softly, she instinctively deepened the kiss.

"See, that wasn't so bad now…" He whispered into her ear, as she leaned weakly against him, when they pulled apart.

"Definitely not bad." Juliet mumbled, claiming his lips for another brief kiss.

"It was just perfect."


End file.
